he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
