i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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