Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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