Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
