Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize