I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I cut my penus on the lid.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
