I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize