just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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