At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
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