i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
