I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
