Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
