A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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