Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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