JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
