Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
