he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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