I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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