think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize