So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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