so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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