Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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