apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
