I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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