Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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