Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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