That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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