You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
