Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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