guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
