hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
