I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
