you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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