could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
did i just pee glitter
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
