She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
