dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
