He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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