ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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