She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
