Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Even my vagina gasped.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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