i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
