Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
