she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
