i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize