he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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