At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
