im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We were destined to go to rehab together
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
