my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
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