how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
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