Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It was confusing and full of hummus
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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