Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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