We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
