Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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