he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
