What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
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