i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
