first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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