the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
