i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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