my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
