Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
