i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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