Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
