everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize