i don't plan on having that self control this summer
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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