How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
