who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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