I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Bang-toberfest begins!!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
