Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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