mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
