I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
only you would photoshop your dick
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
