Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
