At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
