You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
