I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Randomize
