last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
