I hate your face
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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