I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
