Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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