YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
