Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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