I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize