You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
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