She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
