all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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