WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Never underestimate the power of titties
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
